


she's mad, but she's magic ( there's no lie in her fire )

by wearealltalesintheend



Series: to a flat world of changing lights and noise [3]
Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, F/F, Farah needs a break, It's Not Paranoia If They're Really Out To Get You, M/M, torture is vaguely implied i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-23
Updated: 2017-01-23
Packaged: 2018-09-19 10:51:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9436910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wearealltalesintheend/pseuds/wearealltalesintheend
Summary: "She is adrift now. Well, nottotallyadrift. She knows what shehasto do, she has basic directions of where she must sail, she just doesn't know if shecan.Because taking down a cult is one thing, but to organize a succesful break out from a CIA-controlled government facility is another thing entirely."or, the beginning before the start, and everything it entails.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, I'm back again. This time the title comes from "An almost made up poem" by Charles Bukowski. 
> 
> Second, once again I'm sorry for any mistakes, it's late and I'm tired. In fact this is once more a product of procrastination.
> 
> Now, on with the story.

_Hic sunt dracones._

 

Here be dragons.

 

_( beware, uncharted lands, dangerous waters ahead )_

 

She's standing at the edge of the world as she knows it.

 

No. _No_ , that was ages ago.

 

The edge had probably been somewhere between watching her kidnapper being shot by a stray bullet and a soul swapping machine that is actually an infinite energy machine that is actually a _time machine._ So yeah, somewhere along those very confusing lines Farah had crossed the edge of her world and entered unknown waters.

 

She is adrift now. Well, not _totally_ adrift. She knows what she _has_ to do, she has basic directions of where she must sail, she just doesn't know if she _can._ Because taking down a cult is one thing, but to organize a succesful break out from a CIA-controlled government facility is another thing entirely.

 

_( and all of that had been before. Back when Dirk was still there and Todd wasn't sick and Farah herself wasn't shaking and they were all a little less broken )_

And because it falls on her now, all the responsability. She is the only one with any kind of training or experience. Farah is the one supposed to keep everyone safe.

 

She is supposed to know what to do.

_( Farah remembers, when she was just a teenager, no more than 15 or 16, being with her father at the Springs State. There had been nothing remarkable about that day,  that is, until Patrick Spring had walked through the door with a small bundle in his arms. She remembers blinking curiously at the sleeping baby and being asked if she wanted to hold her. She remembers holding clumsily that tiny human being, so fragile and vulnerable and innocent, and being terrified and protective and thinking "I'll keep you safe." Lydia had blinked owlish back at her and giggled and Farah had no idea how to be a big sister )_

Except it has all been a train wreck. Dirk is gone and Todd is sick and Amanda is alone and she can't call Lydia and Farah knows her own hands have not stopped shaking since she left Todd's apartment.

And she is drowning. There is salt water filling her lungs, burning their way through her chest, chasing away the oxygen and Farah can't _breathe_ and she can't _move_ , because she can't find her footing, she is trashing underwater, in the middle of a raging ocean, there is screaming lodged in her throat but only silence is leaving her mouth.

_( beware, beware )_

She learns to manage it, though. It's not like she's drowning _all the time._ She just needs to focus on one thing at a time.

 

 _( 1. take Todd_ _somewhere safe._

_2.find Amanda._

_3\. call Anderson from that one time with the CIA and the army._

_4\. save everyone. )_

And Farah is doing not so bad. She left Todd in his apartment, told Amanda to meet her brother and she just met with Anderson. That's three out of four.

Well, except the fourth item is rather difficult to achieve and she's not sure what she was thinking when she left Todd _alone_ in his apartment because, come on, that's the first place the CIA would look, and she should've gone to find Amanda, help her get here safe, lose the agents tailing her. And how is she even supposed to trust Anderson? For all Farah knows he could've sold her out or been fed wrong information or even been monitored.

 

As previously stated, it's a train wreck and she isn't sure they're going to survive it. And the water on her lungs follows her everywhere, the waves crashing in her chest, reminding her _beware, beware, here be dragons._

_( when she started working for Patrick Springs, after Catherine's death and her father's death and after so many rejections, Farah remembers finding solace. It wasn't her dream job but it felt like coming home. Every corner had a history and a tale. And Patrick Spring felt more like a father than the tombstone she visited in the graveyard. And Lydia was still a wide eyed child with a bright smiled following her around, she still felt like her little sister and protecting her felt natural and it was no job at all )_

 

Farah worries. The image of Todd screaming and trashing on the floor, telling her _it's burning off, can't you see?_ is seared into her brain, a hot, red, sizzling loop playing over and over. So she worries because Todd met Dirk less than a week ago but Farah has seen the soft looks and lingering touches and bright smiles; she knows Todd will want to come along but how can he when his mind is a ticking bomb?

 

And she worries about Amanda, too. Farah remembers her phone call, the way Amanda's voice cracked and wobbled before she took a deep breath and said _yeah, I'm fine, I'll meet you guys there_ and Farah knows that _no, it's absolutely not fine._ She remembers the fear and the relief in Amanda's words, the sound of trucks in the background, and she wanted nothing more than say _don't worry, I'm coming_ or _don't be afraid_ or _it's going to be okay_ or _please stay safe_ and get in the car and drive until she found her, until Amanda was safe and unharmed by her side. Farah worries because Amanda is sick too and because Amanda is stupidly brave and enthusiastic and still has a light in her eyes that should never go out. Farah worries because Amanda should be safe, she shouldn't have been dragged into their mess, she has nothing to do with Blackwing and Farah knows what colateral damage means.

 

She worries a lot about Dirk. Farah tries not to focus on him, because she doesn't want to imagine what the CIA might be doing, she knows too much about the military and it makes her want to throw up. She worries because Dirk is so bright, he's a sun shedding light and warmth and pulling everyone towards him, but she knows he doesn't like hospitals and he used to live in a hotel and no one else ever called him. She doesn't know the full story but she knows the way Todd will ball his fists and his face will dance between anger and grief everytime she brings it up, so she can imagine. And most of all, Farah worries they will be too late.

 

_( when Lydia disappeared and Farah herself got kidnapped, all she could think was how she had failed at her job and now Lydia was paying for her incompetency. It was a loop on her mind as she struggled against the handcuffs, her own brain never letting her forget she had been too late to save Lydia and even Patrick. But then the universe had given her another chance in the form of a yellow british man  and a grumpy loser and his wonderful sister, and they had saved Lydia and Farah thought everything would finally be okay, except of course it wouldn't and she had been too late to help Dirk in the alley  again and now they are all running blindly again and )_

 

When she goes back to Todd's apartment she circles the block two times to be sure no one is following her and no one is watching the building. There is a badly parked car in front of the Ridgely and Farah wants to think of the Rowdy 3 and of _Amanda_ and it makes her take the stairs two at a time.

 

The door is unlocked because the lock is broken beyond repair, and that's a major breach on security, but her mind ignores it to focus on the fact that _Amanda_ is _there_ , sitting on the sofa, drinking a beer, saying _hey, missed me?_ and then _dude, are you okay? Farah?_ but Farah doesn't answer, instead she makes her way to the couch and hugs Amanda because she is safe and unscathed and _here._

 

After that it doesn't take long to explain what Anderson told her. Blackwing is being shut down, the CIA wants every subject contained, maybe, and by maybe she understands definitely, weaponized. There is a facility not too far down south out of the city, one day traveling by car, it's not as heavily guarded but they will probably stop there to regroup if the higher ups want to move the subjects to the headquarter in Virginia. The convoy will probably travel by car, an airplane would be too risky and harder to acomodate the security team required with so many subjects. Anderson didn't know the address in specifics but the general coordinates. Vogel could try to pick up the scent or whatever it is that helped the Rowdy 3 to follow Dirk.

 

When she looks out the window, the moon is shining on the sky, the stars small bright dots in the blackness. Inside the apartment they are still going over the logistics of their plan, they are supposed to leave in the morning. Farah is painfully aware of all the holes and blanks and gaps, she can see how it can go so terribly wrong. But Todd is grilling Vogel with questions on how to track emotions and he has a new fire behind his eyes and Vogel seems not less jittery, but more focused. And Amanda is watching them with sleepy eyes and her body is a new warmth against Farah's side as she curls up besides her and lays her head on her shoulder.

 

They are still sailing towards unknown waters, but Todd is frowning and Vogel is laughing and Amanda is stifling a yawn.

 

And Farah, she still worries, but not so much anymore. They are all coming for Dirk and the others. She closes her eyes and pities whoever tries to stop them.

 

_Beware. Hic sunt dracones. Here be dragons._

**Author's Note:**

> Yo, you made it! Now, if you moderately liked, wanted to puke, plainly hated it or just wanna scream about Dirk Gently, maybe consider dropping a comment.
> 
> You can also come scream with me on _[my tumblr](http://wearealltalesintheend.tumblr.com/)_.
> 
> And hey? Thanks.


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